Just Pretend

Insanity Doing the same things over and over expecting different results.

)x( if thats the definiton of insanity i should have been locked up long ago. In straightjackets and restraints i will rule my padded room well. With a bottle of Lexapro in one hand and a septor in the right. Oh the reign of the pill popping princess. )x(

[+]I hurt: for you
[+]I love: no one
[+]I hate: conformity
[+]I cry: for the tears you cant shed
[+]I fear: love
[+]I hope: for inner peace
[+]I feel alone: always
[+]I kill: for you
[+]I talk: alot
[+]I listen: to you
[+]I break: hearts
[+]I see: the sorrow
[+]I smell: flowers
[+]I taste: sucsess
[+]I work: for sobriety
[+]I remember: every thing
[+]I hold: my self back
[+]I hide: from the world
[+]I pray: to god
[+]I walk: away
[+]I read: your mind
[+]I burn: your soul
[+]I breathe: in the pain
[+]I play: with your heart
[+]I miss: the past
[+]I touch: you
[+]I learn: to give up
[+]I feel: alone
[+]I said: And its Pagan Poetry
[+]I dream: of far away places
[+]I have: what i need
[+]I want: you
[+]I fall: in love
[+]I wait: for you
[+]I need: to smile
[+]I live: for you
[+]I die: for you
[+]I am: yours
[+]I thank: you

*tears are shed on this barren waste land. Hydrating the ground it falls on. Leaving path on my cheeks. Paths your fingertips once knew well. trace them once more. i need a hand to hold*

)im in one of my moods. i left school early because im caughing up blood. Matt didnt come to school, i think i broke his heart. i feel awfull. adams mad at me. kevins mad at me.im mad at me(

^Mouse died yesterday. i knew it would happen. i held her till she passed. her breathing was labored and she was opening and closing her mouth. though when she was alive i barely noticed her i cried when she tied. I buried her today. and placed a rose on the earth above her. rest knowing a creature died in my hands..is so scary..i feel like every thing i touch is dying slowly oin the inside and sooner or later it begins to seep out. Death comes so quickly, to all. Your heart doesnt just beat, it counts down^

::Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:::
::Am I loveable::
::How long have you known me::
::When and how did we first meet::
::What was your first impression::
::Do you still think that way about me now::
::What do you think my weakness is::
::Do you think I'll get married::
::What makes me happy::
::If you could give me anything what would it be::
::How well do you know me::
::When's the last time you talked to me::
::Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't::
::Do you think I could kill someone::
::Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or
::Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen::
::Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you::
::Could you ever see yourself falling for me::
::Have I ever let you down::
::Have you ever been intemidated by me::
::Do you hold anything against me::
::Have you ever been so mad at me, you swore to never be my friend again::
::If not, have I said the same thing to you::
::How would you describe our friendship::
::Have you ever thought of me while falling asleep::
::Have you ever belived to have feelings for me other than friendship::
::Have you ever lied to me::
::If so, come clean now::
::Do you ever wish I could change myself for you::
::Finnally, do you think we will stay friends, no matter what happens::

*and its Pagan Poetry*

-Matt- what to do what to do. I talked to Maggy and shge said the relationship was an unhealthy one. the last thing i want to do is to hurt matt. what to do what to do -think think-

*Kevin* me and Kevin arent talking nearly as much. i suppose its okay. i still love him. i wonder who he talks to most. hm...probably adam. adams rad. i cnat wait for their party.*Keveroo*

)schedule change( I got my schedule changed so now i have a class with nickie and zelene and a class with kayley matt and patricia SCORE )smiles(

::PDAP:: before i went to PDAP i went to Corner stone which im goign to start going to every Saturday before PDAP functions. I cut my hair at PDAP and so did Jessica. She choipped all hers off and i got bangs and shortened mine. The function was a video scavenger hunt it was so fun. Lets see, i had to ask old people for their numbers stand on a mc donalds counter and sing and dance to the YMCA do a drill team dance do a fake miss america speech over a store intercom and alot more. i dunno it sounds stupid but it was a blast. it was girls vs guys. no one knows hu won. Andrew convincing hillary to marry him was a riot so was shellys spazz out eryn move.i got a new pack of ciggz from darrell which kicks some ass. um i shared about somethign personal in a meeting and they almost called the cops to make a report about it. i was so worried. but every things good now.::Serenity::

^hair^ im streaking my hair dark blue and dark purple. woo ^kinky^

I am so fucking pissed off. and the first thing that comes to my mind is cut cut cut. its all i can think about. i can feel the blood bubbling up waiting to escape. i long for another scar, yet at the same time i know thatd be stupid, itd be immature,itd be insane. I've been reading my 30 day prayer to people and im finding it doesnt mean much to me. OKay but my friend Kevin got mad at me for hanging out with the girl he likes. i mean wtf! heez all i feel like theirs competition. what the fuck! its not like sheez bi or any thing why does he give a damn. the only reason we were so close together was because we were cold. ugh cna we say overreaction. On another note. i just needed to get that out. i wouldnt cut over it. im good now. so today i got to see cody!~ it was so rad. i love cooody!~ So me and Matt cuddled and kissed all day and i got kicked out of Algebra! WOOO! Mr Guinther thought id be sad, lol how pathetic i was liek YES!!!!so caits gone for good which is a mixature of good and bad so w/e.

Scar tissue has no character.It's not like skin.It doesn't show age or illness or palor or tan.It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's liek a slip cover.It shields and disguises whats beneath.Thats why we grow it, we have something to hide

Shelly!

Alex smokin

ANa lookin gorgeous

me playing w/ my cam

Darrel smiling for the camera >.<

Davids so rad

you owe me 7 ciggz! 7!! lol keep smiling biznitch

Erin and David lookin sweet

Hunter with his snazzy cake WELCOME HOME!

Jessica! we were in west oaks together!

Jess n David lookin sweet
\
Josh in his pimpin Barney sweatshirt

Kady lookin cute

David lookin pissed

David smokin our cigar!

Davids smokin hott! LOL

Jens gorgeous yet humongous ass

MORE TO COME

Yah arent pictures grand. its cool yhow you can just capture an instant in time and keep it forever.

<3Matt<3 he came over twice during the break. The secodn time i went to his house and met his dad. I was so nervous. We had lunch and went to see Paycheck which was a cool movie. Afterwards we had dinner at my house. we cuddled and kissed fo a while. it was really nice. <3 day by day my love for you grows<3

**PDAP** on new years we had round robin. .. i got pretty close to mindy jess and david. it was rad. i also saw jessica from west oaks which kicked some ass. turns out billy went there again and this time he had a bf. billys such a pimp. lol. so we had some meetings and we played games. we danced to 80s music for liek 30 min. my legs got so sore. Shelly was a riot. he was his usual self dancing in the way that only he can. i got to see richard to. On saturday we saw brother bear. i sat by darrell and david and we mostly smoked. i cant tell you any thing about that movie.**fun tymes**

)Kevin( Kevin is sucha doll. he has all these girl troubles and its so cute. my lil keveroo all grown up. his plan was a riot. i love him so. )Kisses on the cheek(

^Jess^ if you ever read this thanks for helping me out in the meeting when i cried. Jess is so rad. we have so much in common. her and david are adorable together. then again jess is adorable any where.^babydoll^

-Lesli-