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-=Lesli=-

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[5 Kisses]//Love Me?

[16 Mar 2004|06:53pm]
so i got a new lay out. comment and tell me what you think. i made it

//Love Me?

[07 Mar 2004|12:43pm]

[8 Kisses]//Love Me?

[23 Feb 2004|08:06pm]
LieDirteeRagDoll: i lost my virginity
ZolaOnAOL: Where did you last see it.

i am officialy a loser

[4 Kisses]//Love Me?

He's Gotta Nice Body, he's wearing velvet pants [22 Feb 2004|03:04pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Every story has an end but in life every ending is just a new begininning

^thinking^ i try to fill the distance that has grown between us open up as lonely as a space between the stars i wish that i could find a way to smash my fists right through these walls of ugliness and emptiness and gently touch your face. but every time that i touch you u feel so far away. and every time that you need me i feel so far away. i see u silently beside me tucking back your tears i wonder if you recognize the silence that confronts us desprately i try to fight this overwhelming sense that i may never find the strength to change how hopeless weve become and every time that i touch u u feel so far away and every time that u need me i feel so far away.and i feel so far away.feel so far away. i feel so far oh far away.we need to find a way to break this silence. we need to find a way to break the silence. we need to find a way to break the silence thats between us so i scream ur name i scream ur name i scream ur name and every time that i touch u u feel so far away and every time that u need me u feel so far away.and every time that u reach out to feel me pull away.and every toime that i touch u i touch u i touch u to feel so far away^stabbing westward^

^Control^ My comp is being a fag.It froze and very time i clicked the stars went on and off on my site. it felt cool controlling the stars.if only i could control my self^Lose it^


Envision**her porcelien face.beads of water well up in the corners of her lined eyes.black tears trace their way down her face.a path of sorrow**run little girl**

xxTravisxxI saw you today. Sitting in class, i walked by the doorway and you gave me your smug look, you knew it hurt me. You followed me with your gaze as i tried to look cool , tried to look okay. I look for you now, even though i know it will hurt me, i look for you. I find out where you are and when and bump into you. I'm trying to show you that I'm okay, but you don't notice. I'm trying to show you I'm hurt but you don't notice. You don't care. I saw you with her. You walked right past me with your hands laced. You smiled back at me. You don't know how much your hurting me. I saw you at lunch. I found reasons to stay in the area. Hoping you'd notice i was talking to other people too, i had other friends also. I want to run up to you and cry and tell you how much it hurts, How much i miss talking to you. I dont talk to people any more, i bottle my emotions. I saw the look you gave me when you walked in the store. Dont you remember how you used to look at me? How you used to smile? How could you forget nine months. I saw you walking. Your back was towards me. You were walking away. I'm watching the tears fall. What will it take for you to notice me. Why must you see right through me. I'm not happy with out you. I'm miserable. I see you smile. You used to smile with me. Now you condescend me, now you hate me, you avoid me. I want to call you, to explain how hurt i am. You wouldn't care. I'd want to hang up on you show you how mad i was but the line would be dead. I dont have a voice any more. I dont live any more. I wake up and try to make it through one more day. I miss you, the tears are falling now, making paths down my cheeks, paths your fingertips once new well. Do you remember when i used to make you cry and take you back. Do you remember when you gave me the promise ring. For better or for worse. Why dont you remember it? Why arent you hurting. I take 10 pills a day now, to be normal. 10 pills make me socially accepted. i should pop the whole bottle, it'd make me happy. i could go to sleep dreaming of you, and how you used to love me and not wake up. Why dont you wipe my tears away any more. Cant you see me crying.xxMove Onxx

@a stroll down memory lane@ ..so right here for every one to see...darling will you marry me@run up thge steep path to reality@

**Reality** I lose every one i once held dear. i feel like i have wings of wet paper. While i sit here wishing for wings that work..a prayer to the deaf..you fly away**Dont leave me**

:x:Thoughts:x: All around me are farmilliar faces worn out places worn out faces bright and early for the daily races going no where going no where their tears are filling up their glasses no expression no expression hide my head i wannna drown my sorrow no tomorrow no tomorrow and i find it kinda funny i finfd it kinda sad the dreams in which im dyign are the best ive ever had i find it hard to tell u i find it hard to take when ppl run in circles its a very very mad world children waiting for the day they feel good happy birthday happy birthday and i feel the way that every child should sit and listen sit and listen went to school and i was verty nervous no one knew me no one knew me hello teacher tell me whats my lesson look right throough me look right through me:x:if your perfect then ull win my love:x:

*cry paper tears* i miss Cait. I miss safety. I miss Travis. I miss Lauren. I miss andrew. i miss sam. i miss kfir. i miss brett. i miss eric. i miss taylor. i miss lindsay.*get over your self*

-x-I'll make it through-x-
Go get your knife go get ur knife and come here go get ur knife go get ur knife now lay down go get ur knife go get ur knife now kiss me razor blade kisses i could float here forever in this room we cant touch the floor in here were all enimic
-x-see through my eyes-

^Fell asleep watching Donny Darko^I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you can just go to the record store and visit your friends. -Penny Lane ^Demonic bunnys made me do it^

the hours**
*8 year old lissenin to Elton John*
*clouds that looked liek stretched out cotton balls*
*My daddis questioning looks*
*Weetzie Bats adventure*
*are you reading?*
**Plane Ride, i flew away, the girl that wanted to be a bird flew**

)x(Florida)x( religiouis talk with uncle Mitch.
)x( the theory of color states that color is from the rays of light reflecting back the color u see, therefore what u se is every thing its not, if somethings green its really every other color *if u under stand give ur self 1 point*
)x( If you see a birdhouse from far away its small.is it still the same size when you walk up to it. it looks bigger because ur closer to it. frame of reference. if your closer to God he gets bigger also. Get it?* one more point*
)x( every step you take toward God he takes one step towards you.
)x( YOur on a roller coaster the path is already ppre destined. but ytou get to pick hu u sit by. what color shirt you wear. you can choose to jump off the ride. but the oredestined path is safety but iu dont know it. never fear the unknown.
)x( you have a part of God in you. God esees you as a relection of perfection. Our time is Linear. Today. Tomorrow.Yesterday. One year later. God created time for our world. He sees you today. tomorrow. yesterday.and standing right next to him all at once.
)x( since you have part of god in you (your soul) once you accept god you are eternal. your soul will live on forever. a king used ot have a stampoing ring that when he fijnished a letter hed stamp down so u could make sure no one opened your letter. once you accept God you have the stamp the only way to ever get iit off is to understand him and still reject him.
)x( If i read your autoniography, woulkd it be more important for me to read it and know who u were then or use it to figure out who u r now? god never changes who he was a thousand years ago is who he is now. the boible is his autobiography.use it to figure out who he is npow. thats its whole point.
)x( are you a smarty?)x(

-Taste of your lips-black silence spills into the empty corridors and rattles the cages that hang in the halls of my heart. darker still do the ebony walls of my being become, deepening the sorrow of the passing days, the corridors stained with the bleeding of lonely tears. the weight of untold pain keep the sad shades together, closing off the glass panes that shead light of optimistic thoughts, that open to breathe relief upon a burdened soul. cry for me. -im addicted to you-

//Love Me?

[20 Feb 2004|01:09pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Daddys little girl paints the world with her magic wand daddys little child brings new light to the morning time for me though were apart our thoughts following molly come home molly smiles with the down molly smiles and she radiateds the glow around her halo when she plays molly smiles on a summer day molly smiles a new day molly smiles daddys little girl ties a ribbon around my heart daddys little child waves good bye to the ocean tide that sweeps me though were apart shes a part of me molly smiles with the dawn molly smiles and she radiates the glow around her halo when she plays molly smiles a summer dayy molly smiles a new day molly smile molly smiles with the dawn molly smiles and she radiates the glow around her halo when she plays molly smiles on a summer day molly smiles a new day molly smiles>Climb back up the steep path to reality

[4 Kisses]//Love Me?

[19 Feb 2004|11:58am]
im at school in the library. fun fun. Steven just found my journal. dun dun dun. i dont want to be one of those people you can find on live journal just by clicking on random friends lists. who knows what weirdos are going to read this ( not saying stevens a weirdo) ive been thinking alot lately , about cutting. i really want to at times. i can hear the blood screaming to pour out of me leaving me in a lucid sleep. i always doze off after i cut, i feel so worn out. so tattered. i must admitt i saw bonnies arm the other day and i kinda missed my arm being like that. i thought to my self wow she must be so serene. i dont know bonnie though. she's elusive. i dont think ill everget the oppurtunity to meet her. its a shame, she seems very...real i suppose. So me and Matt are still dating. i dunno why i said that i hate when ppl write every little detail of their day in here, like i went to the store and outside i stepped on pink bubblegum. my shoe was resistent to come back up so ihad to apply some force but aeventually the gum was removed, just pointless stuff like that. who wants to know that? i certainly dont. the only peo[ple whos journals i read normally are ryahs bonnies stevens (shhh its a secret) sams and jakes. sam and jaske its just a nice way of keeping up with whats going on in thier life since i dont see them any more. im beginning to realize how little friends i have at lamar. i suppose its fine. i have no need for earthly things. the only thing i want is freedom from what i feel are puppet strings. people can control me so easily. i feel like i just scream out come manipulate me its easy have funn watch her porceilin skin shatter. i really need to stop letting people get to me but its very hard. all my life ive been the kid whos been picked on. sometimes i just get tired of it. im either made fun of for being different or ugly or the same or any thing these selfish people can think of. i suppose in a way i pity them. they have to belittle other people to actually feel good aboput them selves. im trying to understand why people hate me. i think the fact of the matter is im just a jealous self centered lying bitch. lol so simply put. i wonder if any ones going to read this. i cant imagine people reading my journal. i need to start putting personal things in here . im going to start using this journal as a release, a place to vent, so pardon me if i behgin to sound selfish. in all reality almost every ones self centered. ive never met a person who wasnt. some peopl ejust show it more than others. im not sure people work in weird ways. im starting to miss doing drugs to,. i miss my ambien and mily white vicodin, lipstick red seconals, tunial bullet capsules. i miss them all. they were my escape from this wretched thing you call reality. im beginning to face it now though, reality that is. people dont like me, end of story. im considering flying solo for a while but i dont want to hurt matt any more, i still like him very much biut im just not the best person date. im not very healthy....im not very alive. there used to laughter in my smiles, now their silent. if i even do smile. my lips are so used to being in a straight line, shopwing no emotion. id die at school with out my cd player. i get to pretend i dont hear people if they call me. i get to escape. i love my music. oh i jusdt thought of the word i wanted to use to describe bonnie, she's vert intruiging and perplexing. johns a very lucky guy to haqve some one like that. theyd keep life from geting dull. i was lookign through jphns journal and i saw the painting he did of him anhd bonnie, its amazing, he's so talented. i listened to one of his songs from the linj on Bonnies journal. i havwe it on repeat in my room now. its alot better then The Cures version.

[3 Kisses]//Love Me?

[16 Feb 2004|08:37am]
      
Marriage is love.

[2 Kisses]//Love Me?

[14 Feb 2004|11:52am]
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. What do you think my strength is?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When’s the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Where do you see our friendship/relationship going?
20. Where do you want our friendship/relationship to go?
21. What dont you want to become of our friendship/relationship?
22. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
23. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
Fill this out about me

[1 Kiss]//Love Me?

[14 Feb 2004|11:05am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

i am the queen of the underworld

i am innocence

one last good night kiss

let me down once more

Lesli Treider has split personality

[4 Kisses]//Love Me?

[07 Feb 2004|12:49pm]
Everything is temporary. Everything begins and ends and begins again. When I look ahead, I imagine infinite possible futures repeated like countless photocopies, a thousand blank pages, and in each one I see myself, never hiding, never sitting silently, and never just waiting and waiting and watching the world go by. Sometimes it hits you how quickly the present fades into the past, and you question everything around you. You wonder if anything you'd ever do would matter

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